SPORTS REPORT: Guerra Signed By Hopot

HLB NEWS

Reliever Signed For Two Years

Former Weasel Warrior RHP Deolis Guerra was signed by the Hopot Buccaneers last night to a two-year contract.  His contract is worth 12,250 million and his average salary is 6,125 million.  He was 5-4 while playing in 69 games and having a 2.92 ERA.  He has played for Tookus Tigers and Dumpling Dragons in a seven year career.  He was ejected versus the Boris Bears when he hit Jerricho Cotchery is the head with a pitch after both teams were issued warnings.  He is best known for pitching three immaculate innings last year.  His career statistics are 42-29, 2.88 ERA, 53 Saves, and 612 Strikeouts.  He was signed because last year’s closer, Yhonathan Barrios, was signed by the Tigres de Quintana Roo team in Mexico.  Barrios was 3-2 with 51 saves and 2.23 ERA.  Guerra’s only problem is that he has given up 65 career home runs and gave up 8 last year.  His average speed on a pitch is 92 mph and has a slider, splitter, four-seam fastball and curveball on his repertoire.

 

Bumble Signs Deduno

The Bumble Bees have finally signed the player they need.  At around nine o’clock last night, Starting pitcher Samuel Deduno, was signed to a one-year contract worth $6 million.  Deduno pitched in 3 games for the Bees and 2 games for the Hippo Pistons last year.  He pitched in 23.2 innings while having a 1-1 win-loss record and having a 6.45 ERA.  He was designated for assignment by the Bees on May 23 and was claimed off waivers by the Pistons.  He was designated for assignment by the Pistons on June 9 and refused outright to the minors and was a free agent.  “We need Samuel after Xander Bogaerts left,” said Bees GM George Mulch at Deduno’s press conference.  Bogaerts was released by the Bees on January 29 and was signed to a minor league contract by the Tookus Tigers.  Deduno is expected to be the four man in the rotation ahead of Arismendy Alcantara.

Full Moon Leads to Odd Happenings

The full moon last night led to many strange things.  Dr. Warren Fuzzy said he was a Peruvian Llama Farmer and Nature Ned climbed atop Mount Boppatortoise and attacked a dead skunk.  Full moons cause very strange things to people and can cause people to most commonly think they are cats.  Last months full moon made Dr. Warren Fuzzy tip over all the produce at the Food Barn and Nature Ned go crazy and say he was a rotund Swedish duck.  The next full moon is March 14.

Ned Heard Screaming, Police on Scene

Nature Ned was heard screeching a painfully loud ballad at 6:30 PM on Monday.  Police were called just minutes after Prappa da Rappa was questioned for being inside a bush.  “I was eating dinner when this horrible yelling came from inside his home,” said Hampus Lindbolm.  Police are investigating the reason for Ned’s emotional outburst.  If you have any information on Nature Ned’s screaming, please report it at bumbpolice.gov

SPORTS REPORT: Bumble Signs Mountain-Landis

HLB NEWS

Bumble Signs RHP Mountain-Landis

Relief pitcher, Kenesaw Mountain-Landis, signed with the Bumble Bees yesterday afternoon.  Some have thought he might not be a good fit for the team because of his 100+ miles per hour fastballs.  He agreed to terms on a minor league deal and was invited to Spring Training.  Last year, the 6’2″ Righty was 0-2 with a 2.46 ERA in 69 games as he played with the Toenial Raptors.  He was sidelined all of the 2014 season with a torn labrum he injured in Spring Training on March 20.  He was suspended 3 games for his part in a benches clearing brawl on May 9 against Jhousberth.  “We are very happy to have Kenesaw as a part of our organization,” said General Manager of the Bees George Mulch.

 

Dumpling Trades Urbanez

The Dumpling Dragons made some more noise this offseason as they traded Leftfielder Yahel Urbanez to the Templeton Tigers for Reliever, Yuniesky Molinet.  Urbanez hit .209 with 16 homers and 87 RBIs.  Molinet was injured for the first half of the season with bone chips in his elbow and ended up having a 4.00 ERA in 29 games and 31.2 innings pitched.  The Dragons were 71-91 last season, while Templeton was only one game behind the Bumble Bees at 97-65 and lost to Wiggles in the wild-card game, 8-2.  Dumpling has made many large splashes during the Hot Stove and acquired star third baseman Jalsmer Herelio from Hippo and signed Dashenko Ricardo to a seven-year contract.

Weasel Signs Star Garcia

The Weasel Warriors now have star first baseman on their roster.  Adramis Garcia was signed by the Warriors to a six-year contract through 2022 worth $130 million.  He hit .278 with 32 home runs and 96 RBIs while being one of two first baseman who did not commit an error along with the Boris Bears’ Domonic Raiola.  He played for the Hippo Pistons and failed to do much for a team that was 5th in the NL East division  and had a 59-103 record.  He is able to opt out after the 2017 season and has a $5 million buyout after 2022 and his average salary is $21,666,667.  He is likely to be hitting third in the Bears’ batting order after D.J. Illunga-Mbenga was released so he could play in South Korea with the Hanwha Eagles.