88th Ernies

This years Ernies was one of the best.  “Timmy” won best picture and Joshua Smell won best actor.  Host Christopher Aboabona found his niche about a fourth of the way through.  Here is the list of the winners from the 88th annual Ernie awards.

  1. Picture: “Timmy”
  2. Actor: Joshua Smell, “Timmy”
  3. Actress: Mildred Ogeltree, “Hippo in Life”
  4. Supporting actor: Cornibald Lincoon, “Tybalt”
  5. Supporting actress: Gertrude Smolt, “Hippo in Life”
  6. Directing: Norbert O’ Thumpkin, “Nymph”
  7. Foreign language film: “Piertounge: The Dwarf”
  8. Adapted screenplay: “Hippo in Life”
  9. Original screenplay: “Timmy”
  10. Animated feature film: “Norberto”
  11. Production design: “Haggis
  12. Cinematography: “Hippo in Life”
  13. Sound mixing: “Shabubgen
  14. Sound editing: “Haduken Slam”
  15. Original score: “Rutabega: Near & Far”
  16. Original song: “Better Then YafromTimmy”
  17. Costume design: “Yuletong”
  18. Documentary feature: “Nymph
  19. Documentary (short subject): “Tofu: In Space”
  20. Film editing: “Unibrow”
  21. Makeup and hairstyling: “Wardegin”
  22. Animated short film: “Hobgiblet”
  23. Live action short film: “Toeburt”
  24. Visual effects: “Shaking Turtle”


Odd News Week 4 Feb. 2016


Odd News

Sponsored by Razzle Dazzle Juice Store

Some elderly fellows were spotted by a construction site near 10th Street on Friday.  Do not be scared, but the 73 and 72-year old men were trying to hop the fence that circled the site.  Police came ’round quickly and asked the senior citizens what they were doing.  They said there Senior Home’s cat had gone missing (his name was Puddles).  Police then asked why did the elders think that Puddles was at the construction site.  They said they just had a feeling that he might be there.

Late last night, a horrible, evil and scary animal guarded the door of Joshua Waldroop’s residence.  What was that animal you may ask?  It was a squirrel of course.

At around 9 p.m. yesterday, Officer Floyd Warnzool was called to Thai Me Up (authentic Thai cuisine) because of a duck who refused to leave the store.  After some talking, the duck agreed with Warnzool that he could only come over before Happy Hour.

Some very aggressive children were selling lemonade on the side of the road.  Someone called Bumble Police to alert them.

Sometimes you just don’t know what is going on.  On Thursday, police were alerted by a woman that a man was walking around Central Park while carrying a dumbbell and a Samurai sword as he talked to himself.

Just on Wednesday, Bumble Police had to go to Mr. Pickle’s Deli because a bicyclist took off with two BLTs and a jar of pickled olives.

It was quite a scene Friday night in Central Park.  Nearly fifty people singing and drinking while singing karaoke.

Here’s an interesting sequence of events:
7:22 p.m., Mortensen Lane. A person who had been waiting for a pizza to be delivered told police that when the driver arrived, a neighbor took the pizza. An officer responded and determined that the neighbor had also ordered pizza.
8:03 p.m., Mortensen Lane. A person reported being upset that he had wrongly been accused of pizza theft.

Uh-oh this doesn’t sound good.  On a Tuesday afternoon, a man spotted a pair of unresponsive legs protruding from beneath a vehicle.  When police arrived on the scene, they determined that the legs belonged to another man who had fallen asleep while changing the vehicle’s oil.

This person has 911 on speed dial. A caller pointed out how when the elevator goes up, the doors open and then close, and when it goes down, it goes back up, down and up again all on its own.

Sometimes police just have to do what was to be done.  They returned a 911 hang-up call and spoke to a female who said she’d recovered from a bad case of the hiccups.

These two are kind of creepy.  1: Police assisted a resident who heard breathing in his chimney.  2: Voices were heard from beneath a manhole cover, but not by the responding officer.

Lastly, a person who heard yelling from underneath a manhole cover encouraged police to come listen.


Mooning Man Arrested

Mooning Man Arrested

A man mooning people near Hobgoblin Plaza was arrested yesterday afternoon at 3:30 PM.  “The man was obviously thinking what he was doing was funny,” said Bumble Police Chief Adelbert Mumpkin.  The man was not immediately identified but many reports say that he is Alfred O’Wiggleton, 38 of Wartsnin.  The man arrived at the plaza around 2:45 PM and lowered his pants to show his gluteus maximus to all.  He violated rule number 485.9JQ45Q Page 19 Section 41 in the Official Bumble Rulebook.  The man will likely be fined nearly $15,000 for his inappropriateness and getting arrested.  The man has gotten arrested at least three times before.

SPORTS REPORT: Bumble Designates Cedeno

Cedeno Designated for Assignment

One of Bumble’s most popular players was designated for assignment.  Rightfielder, Ronny Cedeno was designated this morning at 10:30 AM.  Cedeno was Wade Smiley’s backup last season and was expected to be again this year.  Cedeno played in 115 games last year and had 5 home runs while having a .291 average.  The Bees have thought of signing former Weasel Wizard star Ahtyba Rubin which could have led to the transaction.  Rubin has hit 194 home runs over a nine year career but was limited to only 52 games last year.  Cedeno usually played as a pinch-hitter and rightfielder when a lefty was starting as pitcher.  Cedeno might be signed by the Dumpling Dragons who have done a lot this offseason and don’t currently have a rightfielder after Jairo Asencio left to play with Hippo Pistons.

SPORTS REPORT: Guerra Signed By Hopot


Reliever Signed For Two Years

Former Weasel Warrior RHP Deolis Guerra was signed by the Hopot Buccaneers last night to a two-year contract.  His contract is worth 12,250 million and his average salary is 6,125 million.  He was 5-4 while playing in 69 games and having a 2.92 ERA.  He has played for Tookus Tigers and Dumpling Dragons in a seven year career.  He was ejected versus the Boris Bears when he hit Jerricho Cotchery is the head with a pitch after both teams were issued warnings.  He is best known for pitching three immaculate innings last year.  His career statistics are 42-29, 2.88 ERA, 53 Saves, and 612 Strikeouts.  He was signed because last year’s closer, Yhonathan Barrios, was signed by the Tigres de Quintana Roo team in Mexico.  Barrios was 3-2 with 51 saves and 2.23 ERA.  Guerra’s only problem is that he has given up 65 career home runs and gave up 8 last year.  His average speed on a pitch is 92 mph and has a slider, splitter, four-seam fastball and curveball on his repertoire.


Bumble Signs Deduno

The Bumble Bees have finally signed the player they need.  At around nine o’clock last night, Starting pitcher Samuel Deduno, was signed to a one-year contract worth $6 million.  Deduno pitched in 3 games for the Bees and 2 games for the Hippo Pistons last year.  He pitched in 23.2 innings while having a 1-1 win-loss record and having a 6.45 ERA.  He was designated for assignment by the Bees on May 23 and was claimed off waivers by the Pistons.  He was designated for assignment by the Pistons on June 9 and refused outright to the minors and was a free agent.  “We need Samuel after Xander Bogaerts left,” said Bees GM George Mulch at Deduno’s press conference.  Bogaerts was released by the Bees on January 29 and was signed to a minor league contract by the Tookus Tigers.  Deduno is expected to be the four man in the rotation ahead of Arismendy Alcantara.

Full Moon Leads to Odd Happenings

The full moon last night led to many strange things.  Dr. Warren Fuzzy said he was a Peruvian Llama Farmer and Nature Ned climbed atop Mount Boppatortoise and attacked a dead skunk.  Full moons cause very strange things to people and can cause people to most commonly think they are cats.  Last months full moon made Dr. Warren Fuzzy tip over all the produce at the Food Barn and Nature Ned go crazy and say he was a rotund Swedish duck.  The next full moon is March 14.